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"Have yourself a merry little Christmas, may your heart be gay. From now on our troubles will be far away." 'Bah Humbug', part of me says. Another part is busy buying Christmas presents and planning decorations and such.
This Christmas is a bittersweet one for my family and me. They say that the first year after someone's death is often the toughest, because it's the first time the person is not there for each event. Intellectually I've known this for some time. Emotionally it has taken awhile for things to sink in. I no longer expect Billy to come back from his hunting trip anymore. The reality of his death has set in more firmly in the landscape of my mind. I know this also by the loneliness I feel and the lack of energy or drive to do anything.
I know that I'm not alone in my crazy Christmas musings. There are many of you who are caught in the haziness of a Christmas without someone you love, whether it's been 3 months or 15 years. The commercial part of Christmas doesn't offer us much but tinsel and lights. They cheer us for a moment that is as fleeting as a snowflake.
When we think of Christmas as a birthday celebration for Jesus our brother, we find something far more substantial. Christmas is not just an isolated event for Hallmark and other retailers to get rich on. Christmas is part of a journey, a story line for Jesus' life. Christmas leads to Easter and Easter leads Pentecost, which leads to Christmas. And the cycle continues. Because each year new tragedies assail us and new troubles settle in our hearts, we need the reminder yearly that Jesus was born to die for us and to walk with us each and every day.
When we remember 'the reason for the season' we gain strength for the journey through our landscape of personal grieving,
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